Wannabe Cowgirl

I'm a person who likes to compare things. Sometimes that's good, other times not so much. For example, I have a terrible tendency to compare my body to (a) other women's bodies, (b) movie stars' bodies (which is just a ridiculous punishment to inflict on myself), and (c) what my body used to be like (c1) as a kid, (c2) in general, and (c3) yesterday. Usually all this comparing makes me feel like a massive blob o' flesh, especially at times like right now when I've just eaten a tummy-full of trail mix and granola. But it's stupid, because I'm fairly sure that my caloric consumption for the day is right on par, I exercised this morning and took a short walk this afternoon, and -- most importantly -- God does not place the most value on my exterior. It's my heart that He desires, that gives Him delight and that He wants to always turn to Him. So that comparing is foolish.

But then some comparing is okay, I think. This weekend when I was having dinner with my parents and Josh and his family, my dad mentioned the fact that I'm a writer to Josh's dad, who actually is a writer, both by profession and practice. When my father said that, however, I realized that I don't consider myself a writer. Not any more, at least. That is strange because I've seen myself as a writer for the great majority of my life, and I even have a degree in it. I've always loved the written word, and it used to be that I couldn't read enough to ever satisfy me.

Now, though, I haven't read a fictional book in ages, and the last time I really wrote anything was the 2006 National Novel Writing Month. And I'm okay with it. That's the weird part, really. Normally I might feel guilty or anxious or just plain wish I had more time to spend on writing...but I don't. The brand new Scriptfrenzy is coming up in June and, although I had planned to participate, I'm not sure if I could slog my way through another grueling marathon of verbosity. What I do want to do is crochet. And that's even weirder, because I've also spent most of my life actively trying to not be crafty. So why the change? Is it because Erin has inspired me with her amazing knitting? Or that I suddenly have been possessed by the spirit of Martha Stewart? Or is it something deeper, something that God is cultivating? I don't know. It will be interesting to watch how this develops, though. I wonder if I'll go back to the writing, or if that season has passed forever. God's time will tell, no doubt.

Happy Spring! Today was the first official day of spring. I'm quite exhausted so that's about all I'm going to say in this post, other than that I hope everyone enjoyed the promise of beautiful warm weather to come. As for me, I had a full but fairly pleasant day. I got to hang out with some cool kids and teachers, crochet, get outside with my dog, take some photographs, and go to a Kutless concert with the Best Guy Ever. Not bad.

I've been sitting out on my balcony for a little while now, reading the Word and working on my resume while I've got some laudry going downstairs. And -- it is beautiful today. Nearly 70 degrees! That makes me a little nervous for what will probably prove to be an intense summer, but I still am relishing this gift. God is so good! And, sitting out in that wonderful Montana sun, I've been reading Zechariah, which is confusing and exciting and reassuring all at once. He's got some good stuff for me in there today, and Romans. More later (maybe -- we all know I'm a terrible procrastinator). But I did want to just say it is so amazing to live in Him.

I'm in New Jersey, my former stomping grounds, for a few days. Why? Because New Jersey is cool (way cooler than New York, incidentally). Because I haven't been here in over a year. Because flying is fun (really, I do enjoy it!). But mostly to see my best friend, Anna, and my family. I haven't seen my folks since Thanksgiving, but I haven't seen Anna since February 2006. That's a long time! So we've been hanging out, and -- she rocks. It's so good to see her again and get lost in the woods (literally) and trespass (multiple times by the time I head west again) and take sneaky photos of each other (I think I'm winning so far, but she's pretty sneaky...). Conclusion? Good friends are wonderful and rare and beautiful. (See that super cool photo, by the way? She took that, talented chicky.)

I haven't blogged in a while, and this isn't going to be some amazing post. But then, it is, because the only thing I have to say is truly amazing -- the most amazing thing anyone could ever say, perhaps! Anyhoo, here it goes. God is awesome. Really, He is. And not in some stupid, cheesy, I'm-just- saying-it-to- be-uber-spiritual kind of way. God is awesome to me, right now, in this moment. In all moments. He takes care of me like no one else does, or can. And He takes care of me even -- or especially? -- when I don't realize it, or realize that I need Him. It makes absolutely no sense, because I don't even deserve a passing glance from Him. And yet, He delights in me -- in all of us! -- and goes so far out of His way to lavish Himself upon me. So amazing. Thank you, Lord!